Crayons

I used to color with crayons because I didn’t know how to write.
I used to draw my dreams and think these wax etchings were all the world was missing.
Where there wasn’t love I drew red hearts, the sun was captured with yellow crayon,
And I could make a spring day blossom in the middle of winter.

I grew up.
I learned to write.

I struggled to carve out the simple strokes of my name in pencil.
Words written in grey graphite supplanted the crayon drawings I was once so proud of.
I wrote letters, I wrote words, I wrote sentences and stories, and I was proud.
And I threw away those primitive drawings, ashamed that I ever took pride in them.

I grew up.

I read the words, the sentences, the stories, and the poems I had written and I hated them.
I wanted to rip them apart, tear them to pieces, never see them again.

I left them in the rain.

The rain washed away the ink, disintegrated the paper, and my shame came dripping off.
I didn’t understand how I could ever be so proud of those simple words.

I grew up.

I drew more pictures and tore them up.
I wrote more words and left them to crumble in the rain.

I drew and I destroyed,
I wrote and I ripped,
And the rain always came,
And I lost the sun, and the spring, and the love,
And I wanted to go back to those simple days
When I could be God with a box of crayons.

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55 thoughts on “Crayons

      1. I like all of them actually, just the two I mentioned are my recent personal favorites. 🙂 I’ve got a pretty reserved spirit too. I hope you’ll keep writing, no matter what anyone thinks of your writing if you want too. And tell anyone/everyone to f%@k off! if you don’t. You’re sharing your art with the world, we didn’t do anything to deserve it – they’re all gifts. I just wanted to make sure to say that – I think it’s important. You’re already doing better than I am reader wise, one thing I can say though from personal experience – the longer you share your writing on here – the more people start reading, more and more and more. Your whole huge, biggest fanbase is still waiting for you and hasn’t even found you yet! 😛 Me too. (crosses his fingers, keep writing regardless.) Observations – intuition from one possible up and coming who knows what writer to another. We’re writing, we’ve already won. Thanks for sharing your writing.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement! It’s so nice to receive such supportive words from another writer. I’ve never had much confidence in my writing, but since I’ve started this blog comments like yours have helped me to realize that I might just have a gift. Thank you again, and good luck with your writing!

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I really love this poem…the way it flows, the language, the imagery, and its power. For me, it feels like a memoir of a writer at a certain point in her writing life. We writers are so self-critical sometimes. Over time I have learned to go back and find the value of who I was as a person and as a writer along the way. Our writing evolves, as we ourselves do. I hope you will do that….value the writer you have been all along. The last stanza is wonderful. Take care.
    Sally

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your comment. I’ve been trying to be less critical of my writing, but it’s hard. Part of the reason why I started this blog was to show myself that I have some amount of talent. I appreciate your support and hope to continue to evolve and improve. Thank you again and take care.

      Like

      1. Growing up and its complexities. How easier life is back then when we were young, not caring about the problems of the world.

        Really great poem I must say. This work of art inspired me to further improve my writing skills. Great job! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. i think the turning point in your story was …

    I LEFT THEM IN THE RAIN …

    those words were so
    unexpected … ! they took me by
    surprise … created a strong
    vision/powerful image that
    made me dwell for a
    moment … look inward … gave me
    pause to think …

    i saw a
    vision of misery and pain … tears falling from the
    sky … they set the stage for a
    snow ball of
    tumult rolling down
    hill … from that point forward …

    pain and misery are such
    greats things aren’t they !

    we celebrate them because
    without them ,.. there could be no
    joy … ks

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I really did leave my notebooks to rot in the rain once, so that’s where that line came from. This poem is particulary special to me. I’m glad you liked it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. you lost the comment you made .,.. you lost your notebook … jeeze … i KNOW you’re not a loser betcha never thought losing all those words … all blurred … tears rolling down … would come in handy some day … what a great image … a pivotal point in your life … a pivotal point in your poem … in fact, the poem is your life story condensed … without all the details … i’m on downslide … gotta feel some misery and pain to continue .,.. OR remember the time i hit a home run at 10 OR was slugged by my dad … or i don’t know what … it (whatever ”it” is … the muse just comes and goes as she pleases … and i never know when she’s going to visit …

        Liked by 1 person

      1. don’t know how old you were when you lost all your
        words and started all over
        again … you went ‘roud and ‘roud for a while
        spinning your wheels … both worlds … light and
        time … light and time … the innocent child of
        light the adult world of time .. there lies the
        battle the ultimate
        reconciliation where you end up where you started and
        know that place for the first
        time … at least that’s the way i see it but …..
        there’s a lot of complexity here …. it’s
        intriguing in its
        complexity and there’s an overall theme but in between
        a lot of mystery …. (you run circles around
        people with your words … catch me if you can but …
        they’ll never understand unless you let them … ) shame .,. ?? oh yeah …. ashamed … then your
        shame came dripping off … a double negative … maybe when the
        shame came dripping you were no longer ashamed ?? so … this would be
        growth .,. don’t know about the end … a broken heart probably … wull .. you can’t
        know love ’till you’ve had your heart
        broken … don’t waste your time with
        mine … i’m embarrassed … wordpress listed the best poems of
        2014 … i imitated one … it’s making fun …but i do think greed is the
        real culprit …. i’m down as shit …. happy to you … ks

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Losing my writing is something I keep doing. But now instead of it being notebooks in the rain it’s deleting files from my laptop. I don’t know why but I have a tendency to what to just purge myself of everything sometimes. Hopefully this blog will encourage me to delete my writing less often. Although I just deleted a few files yesterday, so I guess I still haven’t solved my problem.
        Happy New Year to you, good luck with your writing.

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      3. is there something you’re trying to
        forget ??

        don’t throw yourself
        away .. there’s too much that’s of
        value ..

        the baby with the
        bathwater … yellow crayons and
        winter into
        spring, ripped and
        torn from
        within the light you
        hide behind at the end of that long
        tunnell … gosh … is that a birth
        canal … ? stop throwing yourself away
        goddammit or …
        throw it in some
        dusty bin where you know that you can
        find it …. put on your
        desktop put it in a
        file you don’t have to be
        embarrassed … all of it has
        value … if you only knew
        it ….

        teaching what ??

        i can’t believe the
        positive response i get from people
        when i write the stupidest shit i can
        think of … you might want to read the
        piece i told you not to
        read … my brain as turned to
        mud … have a great new year .. don’t you dare
        throw out any more chunks of
        yourself … or better yet .,.. throw a piece of your
        detritus my way … i’d like to see what you think is
        garbage … take care … ks

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Thank you. I’ll definitely try to be more forgiving towards my writing. It’s worth hanging onto even if it’s just to see how I’ve improved.

        Like

      5. i wrote … but i accidentally deleted …

        i thought about your comment … you’ve got high standards … get rid of what’s not real … keep it pure … but don’t feel bad … good luck … ks

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Jeez… I have been reading your work on and off all night and this one is my favorite. You somehow captured the innocence of a child, how it was outgrown, and the hatred of the stepping stones leading to your present state. I love it because I could have written it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on my writing. I’m glad you thought I did a good job on this one.

      Like

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